Sunt imparatul regatului meu si regele imparatiei mele. Sunt subaltern doar mie si ma urasc pt asta deoarece sunt un sef foarte neplacut. Vin dezbracat la servici, vorbesc urat, miros a ... usturoi si ... si ... torturez insecte in timpul liber. Dar in acelasi timp ma apreciez foarte mult, pt ca sunt frumos si destept si oricine vine pe blogul meu crede asta si oricum daca ar crede altceva si s-ar exprima, i-as suprima/cenzura parerea ca si cum ar locui in Coreea de Nord. De ce ? Pentru ca pot. Si daca exista vreun loc in care sa pot pe lumea aceasta, acel loc este blogul de fata. Bine... realizez ca blogul nu este tocmai pe lumea aceasta, ci situat intr-un plan paralel, virtual, al Internetului, presarat cu numeroase minunatii precum informatii, stiinta, arta, muzica, pornografie, religie si lupte in namol cu pitici. Dar acesta este, nonetheless, domeniul MEU si va primesc, ca un stapan milostiv si cu suflet marinimos, cu mancare si bautura , evident stricate sau cel putin cu termenul de garantie depasit. Insa, pentru a pune si putina lumina asupra intentiilor mele, acest blog nu are alt rol decat acela de a-mi fi un mijloc prin a-mi exprima simtul umorului in moduri in care poate nu as putea in viata reala, gen postat link sau videoclip cu o melodie gay. In rest, sper ca o sa provoace macar un zambet mic ceva de pe aici, nu de alta ,dar ar fi pacat sa luati doar virusi si spyware de pe site-ul acesta. Oricum toate datele tale au fost trimise unde trebuie pana ai ajuns sa citesti chestia asta, asa ca poti sta linistit, o sa ai parte de porn-spam cat sa ... nu stiu... ai foarte foarte foarte mult porn-spam. Incurajez totusi exprimarea de opinii legate de postari pentru ca se poate totusi ca prin pura intamplare, sa avem pareri comune, caz in care or sa ramana. Poate iti spui ca sunt las ca nu accept idei sau critici ... ei bine, foarte probabil nu o sa te las sa spui asta pe aici. Astept poate si email-uri sau mesaje, insa doar ca sa le las neraspunse in caz ca nu imi convin si poate le si marchez ca spam pt a nu mai avea de-a face cu persoanele respective. Nu de alta, dar multe din probleme dispar daca le ignori in viata si este foarte foarte usor si convenabil sa nu le infrunti si sa spui tuturor ca le-ai fi putut rezolva foarte bine, doar ca ti-a fost lene. Vorba aia, mai bine nu faci si te poti lauda ca ai fi facut bine, decat sa faci si sa existe sansa sa faci prost! Mi-a facut placere, dragii mei, si va astept pe aici la o prostie scrisa de mine din an in Paste. V-am pupat si mai veniti pe la noi! (insa daca aveti intentii negative, go suck a donkey schlong!)
I've decided to come out of the closet: (although people close to me know the embarrassing truth) in my younger days, I used to be a pokemon ... Indeed, quite disturbing. But, during the last couple of days, I've been revisiting the familiar places and faces of adolescent rebellions and I came to the conclusion that there are songs and bands that do what they do at a high level. And the reason they are frowned upon by others (like me...and you...and everybody with an overdeveloped sarcasm-bone) is the fact that the overall quality of the fanbase is as questionable as Mihai Traistariu's sexuality. In other words, a vast segment of the fanbase is made up by zitfull teenagers (1) or douchebag emo kids (2), who think they are experiencing real pain, sadness and disappointment because their mommies didn't let them go to some party: (1) minus the zits, but with extra lame-nosity (2) wouldn't you just want to bitchslap the fucker just for the hell of it?
So to get back to the original point, here are some representative song/bands from my youth (which still sound pretty cool):
It will do, for now. Really cool teenage-anger songs. But I kept the appearance decent: nothing but some baggy pants and some black t-shirts, which quickly turned into other colors and then the baggy pants got ... less-baggier and now I manage to look like a normal and quite intelligent human being (actually I look as hot as a fuckin ... torch (?!?...couldn't find a better reference,sorry...but,hey, it's my house here, so if you think less of me because of one lousy bad-reference, you can go fuck yourself!...seriously,get the fuck outta here!...and then literally fuck yourself up the ass!) ). Have a nice day,y'all!
I have a shit mood, that must mean a gay song is going to be posted, so without further fuckin ado, Five For Fighting - Superman. It kinda emulates my current mood, so may you be stricken with enjoyment, as you listen to the chillaxing, cool and mellow song:
Fara prea multe introduceri fara rost (gen "Sunetul copilariei imi face sufletul sa vibreze la unison cu cei din generatia mea, o generatie care a avut copilarie adevarata, in care bla bla shit dick bla bla",introducere mult prea mare pentru a sublinia faptul ca we had a cool childhood,spre deosebire de cei ce cresc acum;un lucru mult prea evident pentru a scrie despre el un carnat de randuri), un cantec drag multora:
With the risk of being oversensitive and shit, I'ma show you this song. I think it's pretty awesome, one of the best love songs I've ever heard. It can really cut to the core... And my core is filled with vanilla and M&M's. And whatever tasty shit you may conjure up. That's because I am awesome! You may be awesome,too, I can't deny that, but I just wanted to point out that my awesomeness is in discussion now. So, enjoy the song and may every regret that you've ever had come back and haunt you !
Fuckin sad song... But cool, nonetheless! Here it goes:
And, since embedding is disabled for this clip, I'll post the high quality official video as a link, here: Iris - Vino pentru totdeauna
Am ajuns sa fur...Iata ce spune o carte eliberata de aceasta organizatie legat de contraceptie si ce comenteaza cei de pe Cracked.com. Comentarii mai mult decat pertinente, de altfel:
" Here’s an excerpt: “In keeping with our abiding respect for the inherent procreative meaning of sexual intercourse, it is a teaching of the Catholic Church that one ought to space it “naturally,” that is, taking into account the biological ebb and flow of the woman’s fertility cycle.”
This book makes it clear that if you’re using a contraceptive, you might as well be doing so from inside a warlock. Condoms are like putting a plastic bag over the head of God’s love and birth control pills are so evil that if you give one to a goat, the beast will curse in the tongue of man. So in order to prevent babies, Catholics use the Rhythm Method. It’s where you fill a woman’s reproductive system with sperm and hope that millions of years of evolution aren’t watching. Step one in being a good Catholic is making sure your ovaries can beat God in a battle of wits. "
Inchei citatul. Aia din biserica sunt cretini; se pare ca secole intregi de abuz sexual anal i-au facut sa uite cum functioneaza ovarele unei femei. Sincer ma mir cum nu este declarata ca principal mijloc contraceptiv de catre Biserica metoda "tinutului de vorba al ovarelor" in timpul actului mirific al procrastination-ului; it would make as much sense as any other shit they've served us so far. Bine, sunt preoti care folosesc o metoda mai putin acceptata social, dar foarte apreciata in rangurile bisericesti si anume unloading the load intr-un enorias tanar, cu varsta cuprinsa intre 12-15 ani. Doar ca aceasta metoda presupune controlul unor factori externi, gen gasit tanar enorias si neajuns la inchisoare, unde li se intoarce serviciul de catre niste tipi-container, condamnati pe viata, care nu au mai vazut femeie de 24 de ani si pana si preotul de la Tanacu li se pare al dracului de apetisant. Asta numesc eu dreptate divina!
I'm in a writing-in-the-bloggy mood right now. Dunno why...Actually I know why. I read this blog belonging to somebody I haven't talked to in a long-long time and it reminded me of the simple pleasure of writing about what's on your mind. It had an honest touch to it (the blog that I read) and it was quite charming, considering I am a sociopathic ogre-man and I can't stand pretty much anything. I actually hate the keyboard I'm writing on (actually it's my laptop's): it's too gray and shiny and it looks like something a gay dude would wear at a Freedom Parade or some other super-duper-genitalia-showing gathering. So again, I reiterate, I am quite surprised I felt so warm and fuzzy when reading about somebody else's feelings, instead of shouting uncontrollably at my screen for about 15 minutes, after which I would pass out, and wake up in the morning with a baby goat tied to my left leg and me covered in mint-flavored chocolate.
You know what is even more disturbing? The fact that I conjure all of these interesting mental-images, while listening to one of the cutest, sweetest,happiest,purest and most rejoicing songs ever - Grandaddy~Nature Anthem:
The other song is AM 180,which I posted on another occasion. Anyways, I recommend them with all of my twisted,yet good heart.
Another little thing that has bothered me in the last week or so is the fuckin disease-shit-epidemic swine flu paranoia that sweeps across the nation, especially in Bucharest. I get it...it's contagious. But unless your immune system is FUBAR (a little Saving Private Ryan terminology here: Fucked Unbelievably Beyond All Recognition) or you have been eating shit (literally, human or animal feces) or garbage (or mainly just chips/snacks, shaorma's and Coke), you are going to be fine, if you catch the disease. You will probably feel sucky, like a big walrus is blowing you, while tapping into your vital energy through your nads, but that's what being ill is all about. Fever, headaches, cough and other nasty crap are common as ...well... THE COMMON COLD ! So my bone to pick is not with the already-sick,of course, it's with the dudes and the dudettes that wear those fuckin scary doctor masks all over the city. They just make me wanna go and cough on their damn eyes, eyes which look at me like I am contaminated with the zombie-disease from Resident Evil. Or better yet, I'ma get myself one of those masks and walk around and forcefully give people enemas,which is the closest thing to raping somebody one can get without going to jail. My message to the masses: chillaaaaax people! Everythin's gonna be allright, mon! Don't worry...bout a thin...cus every little thin's... gonna be allright! Jah man! This is the path to Rastafa......uhm...I got a little carried away. Sorry...
In conclusion, I would like to throw a little theme to meditate on for you all: the three most important things for you in life. To get you started, I'ma tell you mine and post a song that covers this topic very well. The real deal: Health, Love and Knowledge (one can build anything on these). The jokey-joke: Scotch-tape, Scotch-Whiskey and Scotland. Now here's Sean Cullen, with his three most important things in life: Wood,Cheese and Children. Enjoy!
I wish you all the health and love in the world and may you be able to get the knowledge you seek! May we all be able to say, as the Cracked.com mega-star, Michael Swaim did in one of his shows: "Sweet lady progress marches ever onward!" (after showing 'the world's ugliest dolphin' being shot with a dart gun) Chowski!
I'm in a party mood...a really big party mood... but instead of partying...I'm laying in bed, writing this shitty post on my mothafuckin blog. Watcha' say bout' dat, fool? I could be murderizing on the dance floor right now, tearing it up, like a non-gay Travolta in WhateverDay Night Fever. I could be wrecking havoc right now in the hearts of young (and old) females, planting the seed of love and passion, but instead, I'm watching two of my three room-mates touching each other. Actually this last part is pretty cool, but anyway, the point is that I'm stuck in this sausage-fest-like situation, instead of having ... the time of my liiiife...and I've never felt this way before...yes I swear...it's so trueee...and I owe it all to ...fuckin nobody, cus I'm up in my room...and I'm thinking of ...you (?! dunno who 'you' actually is, but fuck it...).
So now I ask you: what are you doing this Friday night? Or what did you do (for the ones that read this tomorrow) ? Did your Friday was as shitty as mine? Or was it way cooler, in ways I can't sexually imagine? Surprise me, or confirm my suspicion that everybody else's life probably is as boring as one's own. So... get on that fuckin keyboard of yours and make me feel like a loser by bragging with your weekend party-activities...I dare you!
P.S. I don't remember where, but I saw this stupid quote on the web, regarding a picture as I recall (a chick's picture): Inside blood.Outside war. WTF?!? LOLZ! ZOMG! ROFL! Kinda fell far from the sensitive shit it tried to convey...EPIC FAIL! Btw, the photo sucked...
Sunt obosit, e tarziu, maine ma trezesc la 7, dar tot mi-am facut timp sa va ofer putina bucurie cu aceasta melodie superba ! Cu placere :D! Sa aveti parte de zile frumoase pana la urmatoarea postare! Poops :*!
Ma trazni ideea geniala (pt ca alte tipuri de idei nu am,pana si cele care implica dormitul in pantecele unui cerb eviscerat se ridica la acest standard) de a cauta titlul acestui blog pe Google si sa observ rezultatele. Ajungand la indepartata ultima pagina a cautarii (nr.ul 3...mda...), ultimul link este urmatorul (a se vedea in josul imaginii):
Nu am inteles exact daca se referea la mine in partea cu "oferitul de placere", dar ma simt oarecum flatat. Daca segmentul gay al "abonatilor" la acest blog capata o din ce in ce mai mare amploare, nu pot decat sa le transmit un lucru: please don't rape me; I ain't into that shit (dap,incredibil,dar chiar nu sunt!). In rest, ma simt flatat si sper ca "if you're queer and you're here" (pe blog), sper sa aveti parte de cat mai mult sex masculin posibil si asta v-o zic din inima. Va multumesc pentru atentie!
In alta ordine de idei, mi-ar placea sa existe un site de umor romanesc, unde poti scrie articole si rant-uri si cronici si pareri haioase, facute sub forma unui editorial si tare mi-ar placea sa pot scrie. Adica, WTF!?? Chiar nu s-a gandit nimeni acolo la chestia asta?? Internet-Romanian-funny-dudes/dudettes, common! Let us unite and provide some funny shit. I'm throwin' it out there, like a message in a bottle and shit. Care vede sa dea o parere/propunere! (aici se incheie partea serioasa a postarii; imi cer scuze pt neplaceri, iar daca m-ati injurat pe parcursul citirii acestei postari, va urez sa get fucked in the face cu un whale-dick dildo...sau chiar cu un real whale-dick,de ce nu?)
Si ca sa va las cu ceva uber cool and with plenty of man-nosity, may I introduce you Lightnin Hopkins - Mojo Hand! Enjoy!
P.S. a se vedea la P.P.S. P.P.S a se vedea la P.P.P.S. P.P.P.S. a se vedea la P.P.P.[...]P.S. ... P.P.P.[...]P.S. Felicitari TVR2 pentru documentarul difuzat vineri,30 Octombrie, legat de stand-up in Romania, "Eu va fac sa radeti!". La mai multe! :)
Detective: It seems the victim was exiting the pet store, when a man dressed in a penis costume came and shot him in the chest, than ran away in the alley where he had a van waiting for him. We have no suspects so far,sir. Any clues?
Caruso: Well it seems (puts on glasses)... our killer is being a real dick! (leaves) ------------------------ Caruso: What happened here?
Detective: The victim was sitting on a bench, reading a newspaper, when a male approached him with a giant penis-shaped sword, impaling him in the heart. He then escaped on his motorcycle; it had no license plates. What's your input,sir?
Caruso: Well it seems our killeeer (puts on glasses) ... likes deep penetration! (leaves) ------------------------ Caruso: What's the story?
Detective: The victim was walking to work , when 5 individuals rained down from the first floor and crushed his spine and broke his head on impact; he died on the spot. Although two broke their legs, they managed to get away and nobody can ID them. What do you think?
Caruso: Well it seems our victiiiim (puts on glasses) ... had a bad case of "It's raining men"! (leaves)
This is my dark period. Like Picasso's blue period, I'm in my shitty one. Actually, if you come to think of it, women's periods are pretty shitty ones, so I could rephrase it like this: I'm having a period and it is shitty. Which sounds pretty obvious...because it is. Periods are shitty. Good we clarified this matter.
Dunno why exactly I'm writing in English, not like I have a foreign following that I'm not aware of, although I do know that some of the most important people on Earth follow this blog...and I'm not gonna take it farther than this. Just take into consideration that every time you masturbate in front of the computer, you're being filmed and everything's sent to my HQ, from where I carry on my blackmail/porn spamming activities. Don't worry, you cannot harm me in my sanctuary which I call home, since "I live in a golden palace orbiting Jupiter" (Cracked.com). Anyways, hope you hordes of English speaking fans out there enjoy this post (as you should my Romanian ones, even though you can't understand shit; but don't worry, I don't either...you are not alone (and I'm not talking about the filming-you-masturbate-part;which goes only to the men out there,the ladies can remain calm) ).
So, as to march on in the direction I have stated before, my dark period consists in fuckin sad songs one listens in such situations. Songs sadder than a baby goat being raped by a horny monkey that wears a shackled-chain around its neck (reference to clip no.3). So I will let the Man in Black, Mr Johnny Cash do his job and take you on a cloudy, melancholic journey - Give My Love to Rose and Hurt. Enjoy as you are taken over by the sadness and regrets of an unfullfilling life twist your very last ounce of soul (+dead baby dolphins and shit...may they rest in peace).
